I have been off work since March 20th 2020. At the current time I am a cosmetologist. I love what I do. I was part of a team to set up all the new required safety and sanitation measures yesterday. I have to admit I am so nervous. Not about getting Covid-19 but all the changes in the industry. We are neat freaks and clean freaks already but with the Covid-19 changes we all have MORE TO DO! No more typical day at the salons! I pray that clients who want a haircut understand that there will be glitches as we adjust to the new surroundings. I have done all my studying and taken the Barbicide course to be able to answer questions. We also have to know and learned about domestic violence signs. The lasted article said that if any women has a dot in the middle of their hand, it is a silent cry for help as she is being abused. It is a good thing our stylists are seasoned in cutting hair and have many years of experience! Even with that said, I am a little nervous getting back to work as the economy gets back on its feet. I want to thank all those in the FRONT LINES for all of their hard work and dedication as this Covid-19 spread. I want to thank our Military for their services as well. Happy Memorial Day to ALL.
Homeless for the Holidays
Just a rant….for everyone who has the chance to read this. If you are homeless for the holidays…donate your time and talents. There is Veterans, Home of the Sparrow, Churches and many other sources to cheer you up.
Never give up prayers or your type of faith! Keep going forward.
- Jobless? Keep on looking, forward thinking, go to the library. I don’t think you got into the homeless situation because it’s WHAT YOU WANTED!
- Life happens and some lose a job, quit a job, got laid off or chose to retire.
- Go into businesses tell them you are in a jobless, homeless situation trying to work your way OUT!
- Who cares what the world thinks, keep POSITIVE!
- If others chose to stop being your friend, you WILL MAKE NEW ONES!
- If family turns you away, run fast and never look back!
- Life is not always fair, but God will give you this lesson to help others!
HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO EVERYONE!
Just my thoughts
Feel good today. God is wonderful in my life. Despite challenges in my life, I continue to conquer each one. When I got help to stop drinking, the advise said is Take One Day at a TIME. I do this ever day. I compartmentalize my subjects, ideas, chores, thoughts, etc.
Growing up I was taught not to express my feelings. It’s been a chore to get over this. I am glad to say that I am free! I take responsibility for my entire life. Even with heartache and pain. Despite my current situation of downcast, I will continue on my journey knowing something ahead is well worth the wait. What about you?
Out with the Old In with the New
Do you remember?
Old TV and NEW TV?
OLD Classroom and New Classroom?
OLD Telephone and New Cell Phones?
I sure do! Maybe it’s my age. It’s now wonder Innovation is such a great time saver in 2018. I am so happy modern technology helps us all remember that we Love IT today compared to the old ways!!
Obsessive about Cleaning
I do not know about you, but I am obsessive about cleaning. I am obsessive when I use cleaning materials. I love the micro fiber towels. I love the different colors. I use different colors to clean different areas.
The other day I took a 1.00 fan and from a garage sale, box box fan…I took it apart and cleaned it and already friends think it’s NEW.
I am obsessive about Organizing anything. I love to keep utensils in the place properly in the kitchen. Over flow items…need to go elsewhere.
Oh how it bugs me to have bad cutting knives! If I want to cut a piece of meat, then I have to get new knives…any suggestions?
I vacuum every day! And every single day, I get “this that and the other thing” found inside to vacuum, the kind you empty and see what you are throwing away, this makes me feel good because all of those pieces of garbage go exactly where they belong, in the garbage.
I am obsessive about researching and keeping important information, and ONE NOTE is the only place I put them. It’s is the best thing next to a nice slice of fresh bread! In college I have tabs for classes, notes, chapters, key terms, and so much more and I get to color code them!
What I hate to do is clean and organize for my spouse because over the years, he expects me to do it. So he cooks, I clean, makes sense right? NO! He messes up the stove and everything he touches! I feel like I am in a zoo! Cleaning everything top to bottom, which is more work for me!
I do not separate clothes when I wash them! SO how do you do that? Wash whites separate from sheets, to socks, and what have you? How unimportant it is to do this.
I tell ya world, if you lost everything like I have 3x, you learn to be a minimalist and learn to live without. The best part is my bills are 300.00 a month and that is good considering when I get my master Degree in HRM generalist in 2019….I already have a plan for that too!
Obsessed with Pens
I have a huge collection of pens of all sorts, sized, and colors. Fine Point and Think Point. I have to STOP buying them!
I have a huge obsession with BOOKS. My obsession started years ago when I lost all my books in a house fire. At first I was bummed out to lose over 1000 books! I even got an reader a KINDLE FIRE. Well, that did not fix me. I am still obsessed with true stories, true crime, like NCIS, CSI, Numbe3rs, Criminal Minds, and even Supernatural.
I also had a collection of Titanic books, old and new. I am obsessed with the real story.
Now I am on a kick, to read one author and all the books they write…for example right now I am reading Iris JoHansen series.
BUT, I am also in College.
1st I got my AA in Paralegal in IL
2nd got my BA in Technical management
3rd I am working and half way done with my Master’s in Human Resources Generalist
I have been in college for ten years. I raised my daughter 1st as a single mom. My hubby walked out on us when she was 1.5 years old. Going back to college is my passion and finishing is my passion.
So with all that said, I do college most of my free time. On my spare time I spend with my two cats and or reading. Here and there I get to watch Netflix movies.
What do you like to do on your FREE TIME?
Jackie Paulson
UBC DAY #5
How to stop caring about what others think about you.
The reason I chose this topic is that I see society judging others for the way they look. I have a chronic face condition that others see me “different” than normal people. What is amazing is that It does not allow me to get certain jobs in America. What I did was learn about my visible dis order, and know that no one can change me or my intelligence. So what I have been doing is living to others expectations of me. I no longer do this. In my younger years I use to care about what others thought of me. In my older years I just figure that those lucky to know me are just that LUCKY. I choose to live authentically, and make few friends that mean the world to me. That is what I have to say today.
Stay cool with ice water in front of fan
I went to the website: https://www.apartmenttherapy.com/beating-the-heat-with-low-tech-122423
To stay cool in a room I placed a bowl of ice in front of my window fan and it does cool the room despite the naysayers.
I was going to do the UBC but it seems that I am not getting emails. I will try to blog anyway.
College break is this week, so writing is easy. Next week with College, it will be harder. I wanted to share my book notes from a book, with some personal information. Basically I grew up in a Narcissistic home, a dysfunctional home.
Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self
When we separate ourselves from the narcissist, our consciousness expands and deepens. The true self grows without impingement’s, creates without boundaries, expresses feelings openly and thinks with a spacious mind. Those who put seeking the true self uppermost in their lives receive a great boon-The Hero’s Journey.
Freeing yourself from the narcissist who took so much of your life is a major step toward individualism.
Taking this journey you DIS-Identify from the narcissist and rediscover your life’s work: becoming your authentic self.
Wants or seeks love and approval. Narcissist are incapable of being fully human, lack of empathy, constant assertion of superiority and chronic lying, deception and verbal abuse.
Jackie’s father, or mother, family of origin is revealing. Jackie’s parents classic narcissist, emotionally distant from me. There was no hugging, no emotional closeness, no empathy. Jackie’s father, a workaholic, was absent for most of my childhood and adolescence.
Father Roy, incapable of giving love. Absent mother, Jackie survived her cold, critical father and absent mom.
In her marriage Jackie found what she thought was the perfect man or husband only to find him to be an alcoholic like her parents. Her parents were hypercritical and dismissed her value as an individual.
To heal you must sever all ties. Start to live your life on your own terms as a separate growing individual.
How to identify the Narcissistic Personality? This disorder is characterized by extreme self-absorption, lack of empathy, ruthlessness, incapacity for emotional intimacy, volcanic rage, chronic lying, deceit and exploitation. They have unethical and immoral and illegal behaviors. They exploit their emotional vulnerability, block their creativity and put them in financial jeopardy, the narcissist hastily exits.
Checking Your Progress:
- Make a list of what you did for yourself this week.
- Envision your future. Spontaneously write down what you are seeing without editing.
- What are you noticing inside yourself indicates the narcissist is NO LONGER uppermost in your thoughts and feelings.
- How are you expressing creative capacities?
- What are you learning about yourself as a unique individual?
Jolanda Jacobi said, like a seed growing into a tree, life unfolds stage by stage, only if they tread the path bravely and fling themselves into life, fearing no struggle and no exertion will they maturetheir personality more fully.
Carl Gustav Jung said, knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness’s of other people.
The “good kids” focuses on pleasing parents, emulating their thinking processes and behavioral patterns rather than becoming their real self. This child is too intimidated and controlled by the iron will of the parent to think and feel for themselves, and as a result, individuation, the process of becoming an authentic person is stalled. Many parents view their children through rosy lenses and want to think they are raising a prefect “KID” because it reflects well on them. As a result, some “perfect kids” develop a false self and become budding narcissists. There are serious psychological issues that arise from not separating and individuating out of the parental mold. Despite many external achievements, like good grades, good social skills, athletic talent and creative gifts, the young adult remains unconsciously tied to their parents ambitions for them rather than disidentifying from mother and father to become their unique self.
In each transition of your life the process of individuation is always waiting for us to say: Yes I will move forward, heal and become whole.
Qualities of the Individuated Self:
Opportunities for accelerating individuation often occur at times of psychological duress: in life crises and through tragedies. Our pain, desperation and past regressive, repetitive, failed choices can awaken and inspire us to enter the waters of the river of change. This process, along with the hard, persevering work we do with ourselves, leads to physiological freedom.
Those who do not develop an independent sense of self tend to marry someone who controls, manipulates, deceives and demeans them. Often the partner is a narcissist. Breaking this destructive repetition cycle is essential to developing one’s full psychological, creative, and emotional and mental capacities.
Children who grew up with one or more narcissistic parents were never allowed to express their own feelings and thoughts or share their dreams and ambitions without ridicule. They were molded into living puppets ready to do the narcissistic parent’s bidding. Growing up these children believed their thinking was distorted an misguided. Thus, creating doubting their own perceptions and feelings. Adults who grew up emotionally constricted remain numb and frozen. Parents “BRAINWAHSED CHILD.”
No deprivation or cruelty perpetrated on a child simply disappears. Trauma returns in the language of dreams, addictions, obsessions, anxieties, mood disorders, physical illness and dissociative disorders. Unconscious repetitions of trauma are corrosive and debilitating, afflicting some victim’s for a lifetime.
A child who is neglected, unprotected, dismissed or forgotten never feels safe. They cannot trust their own mind, minor express genuine emotion. The inner world is one of deadened inertness. Being a nonexistent.
The earlier in childhood the trauma occurs and the more chronic nature of the abuse, the greater the devastating emotional and psychological effects. With trauma, the child experiences a loss of personal security, is emotionally overwhelmed, feels unprotected and has pervasive feelings of helplessness. Trauma is psychologically tsunamic, a serious of inescapable terror waves growing in power and height that carry the threat of death to the self.
The child of the narcissist suffers from varying levels of trauma from early childhood as a result of chronic exposure to a narcissistic parent. Being held at arm’s length without affection or concern for their welfare, being treated as a worthless and inferior member of the family, these psychological blows are internalized into the child’s psyche. Children often blame themselves, they look inside and feel inferior, ashamed, deficient and unwanted.
Cracking the code of repetitive childhood and adult life narratives begins with the process of consciously identifying your psychological pain, expressing it and releasing it. Working through your core issues begins the evolution of the original true self the spiral of growth, healing, individuation and transformation.
Many children of narcissists learn to keep their feelings inside, leaving them trapped in a repetitive cycle of non-expression.
Recognizing and accepting blocked, psychologically injured parts of ourselves that have drifted from our unconscious minds is the next step in becoming an authentic individual. As children, we denied our feelings to survive.
As adults who pursue the truth, we reclaim and express our feelings, own them and free ourselves from traumatic parental conditioning.
Liberation is a process that is different for each individual.
With Liberation, the ego diminishes until it fades and disappears.
We are at peace with the mortal wounds of childhood;
we have mercy for ourselves and for others.
Nature becomes a transcendent living entity where we find nourishments, inspiration and tranquility.
CH 4
You should write, first of all, to please yourself. You should not care a damn about anybody else at all, you have to live in such a way that your writing emerges from it. By Doris Lessing
Every time we begin, we wonder how we did it before. Each time is a new journey with no maps by Natalie Goldberg
If you have lived with a narcissist, you have been constricted by that person’s constant demands, criticisms and humiliations for many years. Writing is one of the best ways to free yourself from psychological oppression.
Growing up in a narcissistic family, we learn very early that we are not free to be our spontaneous selves. The narcissistic parent dictates and controls the life of their children.
In one family the narcissistic parent takes on the role to ignore and neglect their children. They cause deep psychological wounds, projecting their negative aggressive feelings, thoughts an impulses on their children.
Children targeted for abuse believe they deserve this abominable treatment.
Many of them move through adulthood believing they are worthless, inadequate, weak, incompetent and bad human beings.
This limits freedom of expression and require a healing process.
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Jackie Loves Reading True Stories 