Stay cool with ice water in front of fan

I went to the website:

To stay cool in a room I placed a bowl of ice in front of my  window fan and it does cool the room despite the naysayers.

I was going to do the UBC but it seems that I am not getting emails.  I will try to blog anyway.

College break is this week, so writing is easy.  Next week with College, it will be harder.  I wanted to share my book notes from a book, with some personal information.  Basically I grew up in a Narcissistic home, a dysfunctional home.

Recovering and Healing After the Narcissist: Discovering Your True Self

When we separate ourselves from the narcissist, our consciousness expands and deepens.  The true self grows without impingement’s, creates without boundaries, expresses feelings openly and thinks with a spacious mind.  Those who put seeking the true self uppermost in their lives receive a great boon-The Hero’s Journey.

Freeing yourself from the narcissist who took so much of your life is a major step toward individualism.

Taking this journey you DIS-Identify from the narcissist and rediscover your life’s work: becoming your authentic self.

Wants or seeks love and approval.  Narcissist are incapable of being fully human, lack of empathy, constant assertion of superiority and chronic lying, deception and verbal abuse.

Jackie’s  father, or mother, family of origin is revealing.  Jackie’s parents classic narcissist, emotionally distant from me.  There was no hugging, no emotional closeness, no empathy.  Jackie’s father, a workaholic, was absent for most of my childhood and adolescence.

Father Roy, incapable of giving love.  Absent mother, Jackie survived her cold, critical father and absent mom.

In her marriage Jackie found what she thought was the perfect man or husband only to  find him to be an alcoholic like her parents. Her parents were hypercritical and dismissed her value as an individual.

To heal you must sever all ties.  Start to live your life on your own terms as a separate growing individual.

How to identify the Narcissistic Personality?  This disorder is characterized by extreme self-absorption, lack of empathy, ruthlessness, incapacity for emotional intimacy, volcanic rage, chronic lying, deceit and exploitation.  They have unethical and immoral and illegal behaviors.  They exploit their emotional vulnerability, block their creativity and put them in financial jeopardy, the narcissist hastily exits.

Checking Your Progress:

  1. Make a list of what you did for yourself this week.
  2. Envision your future. Spontaneously write down what you are seeing without editing.
  3. What are you noticing inside yourself indicates the narcissist is NO LONGER uppermost in your thoughts and feelings.
  4. How are you expressing creative capacities?
  5. What are you learning about yourself as a unique individual?

Jolanda Jacobi said, like a seed growing into a tree, life unfolds stage by stage, only if they tread the path bravely and fling themselves into life, fearing no struggle and no exertion will they maturetheir personality more fully.

Carl Gustav Jung said, knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness’s of other people.

The “good kids” focuses on pleasing parents, emulating their thinking processes and behavioral patterns rather than becoming their real self.  This child is too intimidated and controlled by the iron will of the parent to think and feel for themselves, and as a result, individuation, the process of becoming an authentic person is stalled.  Many parents view their children through rosy lenses and want to think they are raising a prefect “KID” because it reflects well on them.  As a result, some “perfect kids” develop a false self and become budding narcissists.  There are serious psychological issues that arise from not separating and individuating out of the parental mold.  Despite many external achievements, like good grades, good social skills, athletic talent and creative gifts, the young adult remains unconsciously tied to their parents ambitions for them rather than disidentifying from mother and father to become their unique self.

In each transition of your life the process of individuation is always waiting for us to say: Yes I will move forward, heal and  become whole.

Qualities of the Individuated Self:

Opportunities for accelerating individuation often occur at times of psychological duress: in life crises and through tragedies.  Our pain, desperation and past regressive, repetitive, failed choices can awaken and inspire us to enter the waters of the river of change.  This process, along with the hard, persevering work we do with ourselves, leads to physiological  freedom.

Those who do not develop an independent sense of self tend to marry someone who controls, manipulates, deceives and demeans them.  Often the partner is a narcissist.  Breaking this destructive repetition cycle is essential to developing one’s full psychological, creative, and emotional and mental capacities.

Children who grew up with one or more narcissistic parents were never allowed to express their own feelings and thoughts or share their dreams and ambitions without ridicule.  They were molded into living puppets ready to do the narcissistic parent’s bidding.  Growing up these children believed their thinking was distorted an misguided.  Thus, creating doubting their own perceptions and feelings.  Adults who grew up emotionally constricted remain numb and frozen.  Parents “BRAINWAHSED CHILD.”

No deprivation or cruelty perpetrated on a child simply disappears.  Trauma returns in the language of dreams, addictions, obsessions, anxieties, mood disorders, physical illness and dissociative disorders.  Unconscious repetitions of trauma are corrosive and debilitating, afflicting some victim’s for a lifetime.

A child who is neglected, unprotected, dismissed or forgotten never feels safe.  They cannot trust their own mind, minor express genuine emotion.  The inner world is one of deadened inertness.  Being a nonexistent.

The earlier in childhood the trauma occurs and the more chronic nature of the abuse, the greater the devastating emotional and psychological effects.  With trauma, the child experiences a loss of personal security, is emotionally overwhelmed, feels unprotected and has pervasive feelings of helplessness.  Trauma is psychologically tsunamic, a serious of inescapable terror waves growing in power and height that carry the threat of death to the self.


The child of the narcissist suffers from varying levels of trauma from early childhood as a result of chronic exposure to a narcissistic parent.  Being held at arm’s length without affection or concern for their welfare, being treated as a worthless and inferior member of the family, these psychological blows are internalized into the child’s psyche.  Children often blame themselves, they look inside and feel inferior, ashamed, deficient and unwanted.

Cracking the code of repetitive childhood and adult life narratives begins with the process of consciously identifying your psychological pain, expressing it and releasing it.  Working through your core issues begins the evolution of the original true self the spiral of  growth, healing, individuation and transformation.


Many children of narcissists learn to keep their feelings inside, leaving them trapped in a repetitive cycle of non-expression.

Recognizing and accepting blocked, psychologically injured parts of ourselves that have drifted from our unconscious minds is the next step in becoming an authentic individual.  As children, we denied our feelings to survive.

 As adults who pursue the truth, we reclaim and express our feelings, own them and free ourselves from traumatic parental conditioning.

Liberation is a process that is different for each individual.

With Liberation, the ego diminishes until it fades and disappears.

We are at peace with the mortal wounds of childhood;

we have mercy for ourselves and for others.

Nature becomes a transcendent living entity where we find nourishments, inspiration and tranquility.

CH 4

You should write, first of all, to please yourself.  You should not care a damn about anybody else at all, you have to live in such a way that your writing emerges from it.  By Doris Lessing

Every time we begin, we wonder how we did it before.  Each time is a new journey  with no maps by Natalie Goldberg

If you have lived with a narcissist, you have been constricted by that person’s constant demands, criticisms and humiliations for many years.  Writing is one of the best ways to free yourself from psychological oppression.

Growing up in a narcissistic family, we learn very early that we are not free to be our spontaneous selves.  The narcissistic parent dictates and controls the life of their children.

In one family the narcissistic parent takes on the role to ignore and neglect their children.  They cause deep psychological wounds, projecting their negative aggressive feelings, thoughts an impulses on their children.

Children targeted for abuse believe they deserve this abominable treatment.

Many of them move through adulthood believing they are worthless, inadequate, weak, incompetent and bad human beings.

2eb7e49afaa797c8e63ded88f2955c7a.jpgThis limits freedom of expression and require a healing process.

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